5th Grade Biblical Dictionary

These are words my fifth grade Sunday School class struggled with. Here are their definitions:

Advent (ad'-vent) n. a time when one adds cats to the inside of a heating vent as a sin offering.

blaspheme (blas-fEm') v.t. the act of throwing one's adversary into the air and shooting them in the femur with a laser pistol.

flog (flog) n. a flag with a picture of a frog on it.

Pentecost (pen'-ta-kawst) n. a time when one would have to pay money to draw a pentagon.

rebuke (ri-bUk') v.t. to puke a second time.

righteousness (rI'-chas-nes) n. the opposite of leftousness.

testify (tes'-ta-fI) v.i. to add testosterone to; to make more manly.

triumphantly (trI'-amf-ent-lE) adv. to do something in such a why that it is comparable to three elephants sitting on a small dog.



By grace, through faith, in Christ,
-Ethan

doom farm

I drawed a horsie
It did had no feets
Tripped over cow
Moo and neigh
Slew blue cowboys

They got mad, the wives
The blame to a cow
Samurai came
Slaughterhouse
Made ten cow pies

Reared back, the horsie
Victory cry, “Phum!”
Are dead cowboys
Too and cow
Neigh, giggle, neigh

Do Amish people smile?

Mkay, so yesterday I paid a visit to our local Subway in order to obtain some food.

(Wait. Why am I talking like this?)

I was hungry. REALLY hungry.

Anyways, an Amish woman was working. I thought, "Hey, cool." After helping some previous customers, she asked me for my order. Oddly, she made no eye contact. I found this a bit peculiar, but decided to ignore it. It was only after a minute or two of her preparing my sandwich that I noticed something was wrong.

She didn't smile.

Not once.

She bagged my delicious Spicy Italian, and I simply said, "Have a good day", just to be polite. She had a simple reply.

"Okay."

Now, most people would assume that saying, "Have a good day" mean that one hopes that the other has a good day. I guess she thought I was COMMANDING her to have a good day...

Amish are strange.

Amen.

-Vinny

The New Mario Kart...

So, today I had a chance to play the new Mario Kart released for the Wii. It's pretty interesting. Using the wheel that comes with the game proves a little difficult at first. For instance, the steering is pretty touchy; if you steer too far in one direction, you will start drifting. Another neat feature is the jumping action. As you go off a ramp, you can jolt your driving device upward, causing your character to do an aerial trick and gives them a bit of a speed boost. Sounds like fun, correct?

Well, these actions, if you will, rub off on you. As I was driving home, I started making a left turn onto the highway. I took it way too close to the center lane and almost hit a car. Be aware I'd only played the game for about half an hour. The next turn was really far out, making me almost hit the curb. I stopped at the next intersection, cleared my mind, then continued.

The road up to my house has a series of speed bumps. As I approached them, I found myself wanting to go faster. The moment I actually went over this hump, I jerked the steering wheel toward myself, saying "Yahoo!" The next incident (and possibly the worst) came when I saw little kids near the road. They looked so...blocky...and colorful...I noticed my car drifting toward them. Awaking from this dream, I swerved just in time to miss their fragile bodies.

I would suggest NOT playing this game if you are going to do some REAL driving afterward.

Amen.

-Vinny

An Ode to the Smurfs

Dear Smurfs
What hath happened to thee?
Boomerang?
Absurd

Oh Smurfs
Crazy blue creatures
Living in shrooms
Not good

Poor Smurfs
Thou be midgets
Cry in the night
Michael Jackson

Dumb Smurfs
Don't hang with MJ
Molestation
Hang with us =)

Tacos.